there is a vulture called Caligula
sitting on the roof ridge
I thought perhaps he came
to eat the squirrels
or the crows
something should
but he ignores them
staring only at me
little flaming eyes
huge Roman nose
he’s been driven mad by global warming
an illegal immigrant
who wants my house
and my liver
he plans to make his horse
chairman of Haringey Council
he might as well
I stayed indoors for three days
when I peeped out
I saw hyenas peeping in
through the brambles
cranes dabbing at the brassica
enormous insects inspecting the compost
I went to chase them away
Caligula’s left eye impaled me
I scraped back inside
locked the door
drank whisky
ate a doughnut
I can hear strange noises out there
I think it’s a rhinoceros
rubbing against the damson tree
I’m expecting the legions of wart hogs
and baboons very soon
I won’t be able
to build the wall in time
I’ll have to rely on diplomacy
HEAR THIS
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