Q: What is the most ludicrous belief you have ever heard of?
A: (possibly by o8server IV) The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
14 ways to make people believe something ludicrous
1. Drum it into them from an early age.
2. Beat them if they challenge you or show signs of independent thought.
3. Tell them if they believe when they die they will spend eternity in blissful union with the master of the universe. N.B. in the meantime blissful union with you might be a passable substitute.
4. Tell them if they don't believe when they die they will suffer dreadful tortures for eternity. N.B. Don't understate. Also, punish them severely from time to time to emphasise this point.
5. Tell them that everyone they love and trust believes.
6. Tell them that everyone who doesn't believe is a dangerous lunatic.
7. Take a tithe. This will give them a vested interest in the ludicrous belief.
8. Use the tithe (after you have provided for yourself in reasonable luxury as the ludicrous belief's representative on earth) to build beautiful buildings, pay artists to produce beautiful works of art and musicians to produce beautiful music all in praise of the ludicrous belief.
9. Give them colourful and dramatic rituals.
10. Make them work really hard, but give them ludicrous belief holidays several times a year.
11. Keep at them. If possible run a television station and forbid them to watch any other.
12. Keep them busy with fetes, festivals, jumble sales, mothers' meetings, whist drives, bingo or any other mindless trivia you can think of. Don't give them time to think. They'll only get into trouble.
13. Make them feel terribly guilty, especially about sex, and tell them that only you can forgive them.
14. Forgive them, for they know not what they do.
FAQ
· Q: What to do about the supporters of other ludicrous beliefs?
· A: Disparage them, belittle them, pity them, offer to incorporate them and if necessary, make war and destroy them.
· Q: What to do about people who give up, or oppose the ludicrous belief?
· A: Humiliate, imprison, torture, maim or execute them in terrifying and public ways. If none of this is practicable, excommunicate them with big public ceremony, then pretend they're dead.
Remember - your ludicrous belief depends on YOU
